Where do I stand and how did I get here?
I live my life, as do all people, by a set of morals and values. I would like to think these are pretty high. I go out of my way to not lie or misrepresent in any way. I don’t take advantage of people(maybe my brother b/o his amazing skill to fix/build/figure out just about anything mechanic or construction related). I do not go to Church but I believe in God and feel a sense preternatural from the love I feel in my family. I help people out in any situation where I am able if they are at a disadvantage. The feeling I get in seeing anyone at a disadvantage forces me to offer whatever help I can. The thought of being unfaithful to my honeypiesugarlove gives me nightmares. My kids are the Sun, Moon and Stars to me and encompass my soul however deep it may be.
But it was not always this way. Don’t get me wrong, I have always been a loyal friend and would not intentionally screw someone. There have been times, in my young/dumb days, I put my self satisfaction above all else and I regret those times. Perhaps I would not be who I am today without doing some of the stupid stuff I did. Perhaps it takes the feelings I felt when doing those things to give a person a choice. Did the feelings resulting from the actions sit ok with me or did they not? If they did, then ok, that is the path I chose and the life that went with it. Maybe it was lucky, maybe it was the way I was raised or maybe it was innate in who I am, those feelings did not sit well and as I chose to do the right thing(a Spike Lee Joint), the feeling snowballed and made me want to keep doing the right thing no matter how difficult.
These are the inner struggles and choices most people go through in deciding who they are and what it is they stand for. I hope, or whatever it is beyond hope, I am able to instill a sense of decency and integrity in my children as my parents have me and I hope it sticks even through the times of doubt that must be endured.
Phew, the view from this soapbox is dizzying......so I’ll get off now.
por escrito crabtree on Thursday, March 20, 2003