eight13

my oh my

2006-06-23T14:37:00.000-05:00

My, the time goes by.

paradigm shift

2005-09-22T08:54:00.000-05:00

Everyone has their own frame of reference. It is what we use to reason, judge, opine and million other things to live our lives. And just like any other human trait, some people are more attuned to other people's frame of reference. It can be a real advantage when negotiating, debating and simply understanding. Turning understanding into resolution is not a small leap. Just because you understand someone doesn't mean you agree. And how do you find that middle ground with someone you don't agree with, even a little?

New J O B

2005-05-27T13:36:00.000-05:00

Busy as a bee, but really enjoying the work and the people. I don't have rose colored glasses and would like to think the last job I had took the innocence out of me. I am working very hard and have realized a new level of busy. One I think a good friend was/is working at and it is a shock to the system at first then becomes fun and a challenge at the same time. Challenge is good.

Christmas Eve

2005-03-23T14:07:00.000-06:00

The second to last day I will work here. This has been, by far, my longest tenure at a job coming in at around 5 years. And although I am one who finds comfort in stability, for some odd reason big moves like this don't have too much of an outwardly affect on me. I think my subconscious is in over drive evidenced by the early teen gigantic 'blemish' I am currently sporting. I hope to have reclaimed the normal curvature of my cheekbone before I start the new gig on Monday.

2005-03-15T10:56:00.000-06:00

The time to do something bubbled up a few months ago and I did do something. And now I will be starting a new chapter in the world of work in around ten days. The first six months will be a mountain of work and I am excited, scared and completely ready all at the same time. Time to run the hill until I am the only one on it!

Iron Chef and Food in General

2005-03-07T09:06:00.000-06:00

Man oh man. The happy Italian chef screwed the pooch on Iron Chef America last night. Plated only two dishes going against Morimoto. Happy to report he remained happy, but was beat like a drum in the Dancing Cobra Marching Band. ratatatatatataaratatatta.....

During dinner, my wife and I discussed how the human animal does do some things which are pretty cool and chefs are a good example. They are inspired by ingredients to create. They learn by trial and error and are continually experimenting. And only to come up with a new spin and to often satisfy an innate need to just see if it will work. Not so different from an artist in that sense.

Music

2005-03-03T16:48:00.000-06:00

I am admittedly not someone who knows the words to songs. My wife seemingly knows the words to every song we hear. I can, however, hear the first few seconds of a song and know the song. Although I rarely know the title of the song, I do know the melody. I have a theory on this. I believe I have one gene in me for music but I am totally and completely missing the others.

a fork in the road

2005-02-10T14:02:00.000-06:00

Does everyone, at some point in their life, reach a crossroads? Is this a mid-life crisis? Do people divorce their spouses, buy sports cars and start second and third families in an attempt to recapture those feelings which will not be duplicated no matter how much they try to fill the hole with something new?

Me, totally not there. Am I at a point where a decision needs to be made, in my mind, to make me happier or more fulfilled? Yes, totally there.

Mio

2005-01-13T14:23:00.000-06:00

Life ebbs and flows and lately ebbing is winning by a furlong.

Iraqi Bloggers

2004-12-10T10:18:00.001-06:00

Bloglines My Feeds(from BuzzMachine): "'We are trying to bridge the gap between Iraq and the world,' Omar said. 'Iraqis are grateful for what Amreica did. Iraqis are grateful for the liberation of Iraq... They feel like they are not alone in their struggle.'
Mohamed said that his countrymen 'had lived in the dark for 35 years.' With their blog, he said, they get to 'show the world a different story that they cannot see in the media.'
He added: 'I am free and I am enjoying my freedom.'
As I said, they grasp freedom with a enthusiasm that can only be admired. "

Iraqi citizens giving their take on the liberation of Iraq and the role of America and Americans. I am not naive enough to think all of our soldiers are fair and just in their dealings with the Iraqi people. The variables they encounter every day influencing their behavior is not something I think anyone could imagine. However, I maintain the citizens of Iraq are willing to go through this transition to enjoy freedom. After 35 years of living in fear of torture and death on the whims of a despicable regime, the price they are paying now probably seems small in comparison.

Nice, Blank Notebooks

2004-12-07T09:35:00.000-06:00

I have three very nice notebooks all purchased to capture my thoughts. They are nice enough that I do not want to put just any thoughts in them. I want these thoughts and writing to be the worthy of the notebook. Thus far, I have put my name in one of the Moleskine variety and nothing else. That is just sad.

A thought this morning, though, on the runt of the three. I may attempt to record all thoughts in this one in Spanish. An exercise of a part of my brain which has not seen much use since 1996 when my address was Barcelona.

Religion and Intolerance

2004-12-02T09:25:00.000-06:00

Why is it the people who claim to be the most pious and religious are often times the most intolerant? Networks not airing a commercial where a Church is relaying a message of tolerance and openness to all because it is too controversial. Really, completely ridiculous!

Isn't religion about being tolerant, charitable and honorable to yourself and others. This is the kind of stuff that makes it hard to be a moderate leaning right. I, in no way, want to be associated with a group of people who think this is ok. I am sure there are many other common sense moderates who feel the same way.

2004-11-19T08:55:00.000-06:00

A good friend from college is now on his way home from a two week trip to Iraq as an embed with the Oregon National Guard. The knot in my stomach will be officially gone once I hear his voice from his home in Portland.

I completely admire my friend and not because of his compelling need to do this in order to bring light to the many good things that our soldiers are doing every day to help the people of Iraq establish a democracy. I admire him because he is a truly honorable and good soul. Something you don't find much these days. He is the kind of person I want my kids to grow up to be. I simply can't give a higher compliment.

JB, you rule!

2004-11-03T14:28:00.000-06:00

I am taken aback by the vitriol many bloggers are spewing about the election. I would have been disappointed if W. hadn't won but I never would write some of the incredibly disparaging remarks I have seen today in the blog world. And if JK had won I would support the office, if not the man. It is great to disagree and it only makes the dialogue stronger and us better and more diversified as a Nation. Is it so hard to disagree without being a total asshole though?

A friend of mine and I have different views on this election. I am happy to report he is still my friend and I still think he is a good person. I know, crazy to fathom! Plus, he owes me a dinner with an 8 drink maximum. And the conversation during the dinner will be about books, family and adventures. Common ground people, common ground.

2004-11-02T09:47:00.000-06:00

Although I am not enamored with W. I did cast my vote his way this morning. Kerry's legislative record, plans without explanation and indecisiveness steered me to a Republican who is more right than I prefer.

I can honestly state a more conservative democratic nominee with a clear record of convictions would have made this much more difficult.

As many have stated, this election offers no clear master politician with the skill set to make the choice obvious. With the lack of that substance, the choice comes down to ideals commonly associated with the party line. I want the moderately social, conservatively fiscal candidate. Sadly, this person does not get the vote often enough.

2004-10-28T12:40:00.000-05:00

Kansas City Star | 10/28/2004 | Cerner CEO answers attacks: "The Pattersons' two children from his current marriage seem to take it in stride, although 14-year-old Cortney said, ?I see Mom on TV at home now more than I see her at home.?"

A comment from a child whose Mom is running for Congress. I sometimes wonder if people put their ambitions before being a good parent. I do not know if this is the case here but it brings up a good discussion point.

Before kids, I would have no qualms about working 70 hours/week. In fact, people who are able to do this often move up in an organization rather quickly if they are somewhat competent(a much smaller pool than most would think). With kids, though, the price one has to pay is just too high to work that much. Or it should be.

Here is the parent I don't understand. They work lots of hours and then on the weekends they play golf both days or go out after work two or three days a week. First, why does a spouse let someone get away with this. And second, don't they expect more out of themselves as a parent.

The absentee parent is cop out.

2004-10-27T09:55:00.000-05:00

Loved this entry on Buzzmachine:

BuzzMachine... by Jeff Jarvis: "Boss blogs

: Seth Godin gives good advice to CEOs wanting to jump on the blogging trend train:
Here's the problem. Blogs work when they are based on:
Candor
Urgency
Timeliness
Pithiness and
Controversy
(maybe Utility if you want six).
Does this sound like a CEO to you?
Short and sweet, folks: If you can't be at least four of the five things listed above, please don't bother.
The same advice holds for big media blogs, advertiser blogs, brand blogs, PR blogs, politician blogs....
Blogs are the printing press of the people. The elite already have their press. "

2004-10-25T11:54:00.000-05:00

On page 72 of 'The Body Artist' a man walked in Starbuck's with a guide dog. I couldn't help but stare. The dog was so smart and unassuming. He led the man through a maze of tables for two with chairs and displays oddly placed so those of us who can see often graze or body check at least one or two.

The unassuming part was what really intrigued me. It did not seem to take up any more of a footprint than the man solo would have. Staying a perfect distance from his human, never making a noise of any kind.

How many dogs does a blind or almost blind person have in a life time? How close do they become with the dog? And when the dogs get older and are not able to perform the duties consistently, what happens then?

2004-10-11T11:36:00.000-05:00

After a night of tasting dinner twice, once on the way down and then, with not nearly as much flavor(probably because of the stomach acids accompanying the food), on the way up I feel a sense of cleansing. I feel a sense of cleansing because this is how I rationalize the dry heaves and other exciting accompanying features of the act.

What other times do you know exactly what is in your body from consumption? Everything I had is gone and then some. From here on out it is Carte Blanc and whatever I consume is now the new foundation of nutrition in my body. Exciting times to be sure!

So far: green tea and two strawberry pop tarts. In a few minutes a low fat frozen dinner of Chicken and Almonds. It is low fat because you can eat it all with no more than four bites. Savvy. Not bad stuff but not great.

I don't track food because I don't eat much and I eat so I am not hungry, not because I enjoy the act of eating. I'll remember perhaps three more meals before it is all a distant memory and the smoke curls around the mountain leaving me to remembering the memories.....

2004-09-22T16:37:00.000-05:00

A pretty woman laughing or smiling and looking down is a site to behold. The beautiful smile and glowing face with the feminine touches of tasteful jewelry and smooth skin. They really do glow.

2004-09-15T10:34:00.000-05:00

Me: Number one on the list of reasons I like working here, the people I work with.
Management: Great, we are glad to hear it. Also, we are going to have you begin reporting to a new manager located in another city. You'll be working with his team now. We want you to keep working on the same stuff and take on a few more responsibilities(even thought it is well known you are completely buried). Do your best(We want the guy in the other city to manage the team because we don't know much about him and we don't have confidence in you to lead the effort. Actually, we have negative feedback from a slew of folks on him but someone is impressed with his previous experience. Right up to the point of him being fired from his previous employer)!
Me: (I can feel my soul leaking out).
Management: Thanks for being a team player, employee 370990870987!
Me: (Try to leave this stress at work).

2004-08-23T09:58:00.000-05:00

Driving into work today in my usual zone of NPR and Sports Talk, I notice what has to be one of the more humurous bumper stickers I have seen, 'My Other Toy Has Tits.' I am not sure if the humor exists in the fact someone made it, Goober the Red Neck put it on is Chevy S10, or in my twisted sense of what is funny.

2004-08-13T14:40:00.000-05:00

Waiting in line, about 5 people back, at the local Starbuck's(I hope someone observes the play on the last four words) and I observe something very cool indeed. A little man dressed in his tweed blazer and impeccable loafers jumps to the front of the line to pay for someone's drink. I was a little fuzzy on what was happening at first but then realized he was paying for the drink of a soldier. That is some good shit! It is something I would hear or read about, but no, I was there taking it in. Afterwards, they shook hands and made a little small talk.

This transcended opinions and political viewpoints. It was a citizen thanking a soldier with a small but heartfelt gesture and it kicked ass. I admire the guy who did it because of the obvious reasons but also because he opened my eyes to something anyone could do to show appreciation for the sacrifices made, even if those sacrifices were a known part of volunteering for the job.

2004-07-27T08:02:00.000-05:00

Here is a strange but true tid bit. When one of my kids falls down on the driveway, street or other scrape inducing surface, from a running mishap or a bike ride gone awry, I feel the pain. It does not feel like the pain you get from a scrape, but a feeling shoots through me. I remember the first time it happened over 5 years ago an it was a little disconcerting. But it makes perfect sense to me. I care so very deeply for these little people, the fact I hurt when they hurt is not a big surprise.

2004-07-16T16:52:00.000-05:00

I received a review and it was interesting in retrospect. I'd like to think I am open to feedback and work to use the feedback to make improvements. On the other hand, I am also sometimes quick to think critically on points brought up during these discussions and tend to dismantle the feedback systematically. With these types of reviews, they have usually been completed months before the actual meeting to go over the results and refuting points made over two months ago is a somewhat futile effort regardless of validity. I'll put my good soldier hat on and try to improve on points brought to my attention. Again, some valid others not so much. I will be interested to see how the feedback changes based on my actions over the next 6 months.

2004-07-13T14:20:00.000-05:00

I get sad when I see pictures of people from the 50's and 60's. Are they still alive? If they are, do they look back at their lives now with fondness or regret?

2004-06-11T12:13:00.000-05:00

If I could I would, but I don't know how.

Smells and songs have the ability to take me to a place I have not been in quite some time. With a smell, it only needs to be a whiff for my mind to pull out the memory from the gray matter. For a song to have the same effect it has to be a song, or CD, I listened to repeatedly at some point in my life. Hoist is one of those CDs. It takes me to the apartment in Barcelona I inhabited for around six months in 96.

2004-06-07T15:19:00.000-05:00

The drive up to our lake house in Northcentral Missouri is especially beautiful during the last hour. Rolling hills, dotted with hay bales, cattle and sometimes wonderful barns. The landscape is reminiscent of a European countryside. It is during this time I think about the geologic wink I'll occupy this World and it makes me sad in some ways. I am eternally grateful for the time I have had and the love I have shared, with my parents, brother, nieces and wife. The wondrous depths of love with my children! The sadness from the impending years where all of my loved ones won't be with me any longer. Yet another reason to live each day to the fullest and not take any relationship for granted.

2004-06-01T12:03:00.000-05:00

My Dad's Mom, a.k.a Grandma Lorraine, came to our lake house with my Aunt Mary, who is her caretaker. My Aunt and parents were attending a High School Reunion honoring my Dad's graduating class. The graduating classes were in the 10-15 range and everyone in the school is invited to the reunions. I can't even fathom growing up in a town where the graduating classes are made up of ten people! I digress.

As the evening wore on my Grandma became very confused and completely forgot who I was. She was impressed with my knowledge of my family and of my Mom's family, because she had no idea who I was or how I came about this knowledge. I think the confusion was amplified by unfamiliar surroundings and the chaos of five kids under the age of 8 coming in and out of the house. Her eye sight is not great adding to the problem. By the end of the night my wife had to stay with her because she was growing more afraid of this man she did not recognize, me.

2004-05-17T12:36:00.000-05:00

I had a birthday, shaved my head with the 1/2" guard for Summertime ease of use, and agreed to get my money's worth this year.

2004-05-13T11:56:00.000-05:00

Hernia surgery kind of hurts.

2004-04-28T10:55:00.000-05:00

I do more before 9 am than most people do all day.

-worked out
-planted two giant hastas
-mulched
-watered
-readied for work
-Starbuck's run
-arrived to work by 8:45

Of course, I am just kidding on doing more than other people. I am sure some out there do a little more in their day. Plus, I am on cruise control until a 1 o'clock meeting.

2004-04-26T09:31:00.000-05:00

I landscaped a friend's house over the weekend. He cooked the burgers and I landscaped his house. I think he was allergic to digging holes and getting his hands dirty. I really don't care too much. He is the type of person who will make it up in some, not labor intensive kind of way.

My house was neglected save a few hours on Sunday before a birthday party for a 3 year old.

I really do enjoy landscaping, which is kind of odd. There is something about working in the dirt, making an immediate impact on the way something looks. A small slice of Zen.

2004-04-23T13:01:00.000-05:00

There is a coworker with a usually silent fury bubbling within. He is always very nice and cordial to me. Working in a 'modern' office we all share the same honey comb work spaces and conversations are in the open. Everyone knows this. I do hear his silent fury release every once in a while and it is like the eternal wheel of time He-man tried to stop(if anyone but me gets that reference I have found my soul mate in 80's cartoons!). You can't stop it, you can only hope it plays out without an expletive red faced marching off! I tell you, from my angle it is priceless. Too bad for him to have this fury, but damn, that is some funny shit!

2004-04-22T15:19:00.000-05:00

Take your kid to work day! Organizations would bend over backwards if they knew how many points they could score with their employees by making this a fun day for kids. Que lastima!

2004-04-21T14:15:00.000-05:00

Tearing down the road on his GJX, the pre teen is livin' large. After all, a GJX for the love of all that is good! What did he do to deserve a $1000 bicycle. Yes, bicycle. As in no motor. Man, life doesn't get much better than this! Bam! a miniature table top on the offshoot trail near the canal. Jump over a barrel? Sure, why not. Only two are doing it and the other guy races bikes with the rest of the gang 2-4 years older...not a problem. Oh, one of the kids in the group, who has not been seen before but seems to know everyone and fits in, sort of, wants to take the bike for a jump. He seems a little too comfortable for someone new but the euphoria of the scene has our hero high on life and not using the angles of thought his brother instilled in him at an early age.

A GJX has a unique criss-cross, flattened X near the front of the frame. It was a cool bike.

2004-04-16T11:30:00.000-05:00

The season of pain is upon us all! Go outside and do something to make your muscles sore the next day and crisp to the touch the day after. Feel the tendons, cartilage and lactic acid do their dance in places you did not know existed in the pedestrian motions of daily life. Take off the layers of Winter. And do it like a band aid removal ritual, ripfast! The first few weeks will be tough but the stride will be hit that much quicker. Then it is endorphins, the reverse left handed lay up, and the conquering of the big hill.

Go man, Go!

2004-04-01T09:50:00.000-06:00

Whilst I associate a river with danger, I associate a lake with fun and family. Spending practically all weekends at a fairly secluded lake with most of my family tends to make the associations all good. I guess this means I actually get along famously with my family, not just my wife and kids, la familia de mi hermano y mis padres. True dat! Of course, there are times I feel I simply need my space and will forego the lake weekend for a relaxing weekend at home. Fortunately, those are few and far between. Ahh, el lago!

2004-03-31T14:10:00.000-06:00

I drive over a few Rivers on the way to work each day. My thoughts waffle between the beauty and the danger.

Their beauty is undeniable. Lined with trees and bluffs their curves give the countryside a softness and flow. The abundance of the life blood of vegeation creates the big brothers of trees. Curves created by the subtle ridges created over a geologic month. They flow along at a leisurely pace, for the most part.

On the other side, they present danger in the form of flooding, pollution and undertows.

Observed from a distance, my Rivers are beautiful and majestic.

2004-03-29T12:06:00.000-06:00

I have been competitive my entire life. Surely a trait learned and inherited from my parents. Both very competitive but mostly always in a good way. Now my offspring are competing in organized sports and I am enthralled! Playing sports my whole life, basketball, football, baseball, I knew I would be but the degree into which I am is surprising even to me.

Did I mention I am having a high school friend, who played Soccer in College and now is a coach, create a practice schedule for my kid's team? Oh, and I am not the Coach(yes, it is freaky and no, I am not).

2004-02-27T11:18:00.000-06:00

Any two people who are committed, happy and not insane usually make a good contribution to society. Who cares if they are the same sex?! Marriage, to me, is that committed relationship with a piece of paper to reap monetary, i.e. beneficiary, rewards.

2004-02-23T09:00:00.000-06:00

After spending a few weeks in Florida, my body is now adjusting back to the Midwest late Winter/early Spring. Bringing home my first bout with Swimmer's Ear was a bonus. Having an ear canal swollen almost shut is really a lot of fun. It was like holding your ear up to a sea shell and hearing the ocean except you can't hear the ocean and it feels like your ear is a giant puss filled pathway of pain and misery.

The vacation was very fun and Key Largo has a mental push pin next to it on the mental map for a three day get away of relaxation without the chitlins.

2004-01-26T10:50:00.000-06:00

Sunday night blues are no fun. Did I make the weekend worthy? Did I spend enough time with my family. Was the time well spent or did I go through the motions? Could I have spent less time on a project at home and more time with them, the reason I have an unsolicited smile on my face in their presence. Did I lose my patience when I simply should have been more engaged?

Yep, Sunday night blues are no fun.

2004-01-21T11:12:00.000-06:00

Inspiration is the cocaine of motivation. To truly be inspired, it has to be within and an event sparks the flame slowly and steadily building to an inferno of action.

2004-01-19T16:58:00.000-06:00

After LASIK surgery, the eyeballs heal and the vision comes and goes to and fro 20/20. I continue to reach to adjust my glasses. This mostly happens when I am eating because I am a nervous tick freak who likes to touch my glasses exactly 43 times when eating breakfast, 23 times at lunch and 58 times at dinner. Or, because when I looked down at my food my glasses would shift down a bit. I will let you decide which 'version' to believe.

2004-01-16T13:17:00.000-06:00

I have been reading a couple of blogs out of the ordinary over the past few weeks. I should note out of the ordinary for me. The primary being Joi Ito (http://joi.ito.com). I have found it very interesting up to this point. It may have something to do with the nature of his blog and the topics he covers. I especially enjoyed a post on the by product effects of technological advances. Before I try to fool myself into thinking of some uber explanation of what it is he is attempting to accomplish, I'll refrain and simply enjoy. I would be remiss if I did not mention the contributors to his writings. The debates make up the content I find most entertaining and interesting.

One other subject I wanted to briefly hit on. Most of the authors of the blogs I read are not big supporters of the current administration, with some flat out belligerent. I give respect to the one who seems to be full of the most venom because he does invite the reader to disagree with his opinions. I attempt not to pigeon hole myself into a party or category. The line between the two parties becomes increasingly blurry depending on the aggregate of many individual positions. I found it interesting taking an online survey asking a handful of questions on certain issues. The answers to these questions were used to choose a candidate based on their positions. I came to Bush but a Democrat was an extremely close second.

To way oversimplify:

Money-Moderate(taxes are ok but I want to see my tax money helping others to become independent, and thus, gain self respect)
Morals-Moderate(marriage is an institution, take it seriously and live up to your vows)
Environment-Moderate
Iraqi War(Iraqi people interviewed before the War, here and abroad, were in total support of this to get rid of a murderer who had terrorized the population for 20+ years. It seems to me the people in protest were in protest based on America unilaterally deciding these actions and I agree to a point but any reason to rid the World of someone like this and set a population free from tyranny is ok with me. I do not think Bush has any intention of continuing the effort into Iran or South Korea but it does put murderous dictators and regimes on notice).

I am an independent and think the far right is every bit as wacked out as the far left. I fall in the middle with an inclination to the right but only by a whisker.

2004-01-12T13:59:00.000-06:00

LASIK surgery makes my eyes dry.

2004-01-07T10:18:00.000-06:00

Where does the time go. Over a month since the last post. A long time even for my non blogging ass!

Of course, 17 days off does tend to curb entries since they are done, shhhhh..., from work.

I did not make any resolutions out loud, but have plenty in my twisted mind to achieve. We shall see, we shall see....

2003-12-01T10:49:00.000-06:00

1:36 am-I am awoken with the sudden, chilling thought of is this what I want out of life. Surely this had something to do with five days off and work pending in 360 minutes. So lucky in so many ways but the urge for something more in making a living is a constant burn. A flicker most of the time but occasionally a bolt waking me from sleep.

2003-11-05T15:24:00.000-06:00

I had to be around 6 and we had recently moved to Denver. The snow in the front yard was up to my thigh and it was 7 or 8 at night. I asked to go and was surprised to gain clearance. There is something about the snow in Colorado giving an almost warm feeling when immersed. The silent absorption of sound and motion somehow relates to not being cold. After a few minutes of playing in the dark alone in my front yard, I heard the sound of a train whistle. To this day every time I hear a train whistle I am immediately taken back to that time and place. And in such a powerful way I remember the feeling with a level of clarity it is as if I were there last week. The clarity of the night and the snow and the sound implanted in my subconscious so clearly and at such primal level the 6 year old me and the 31 year old me felt/feel the exact same way every time I hear the whistle of a train. In some ways, it haunts me.

2003-10-29T12:55:00.000-06:00

Driving home from work yesterday I passed a truck transporting crushed cars, one on top of the other six long and three deep. Those cars were new at one time and someone paid good money to buy one. They rolled off the assembly line and were shiny, new and smelled such. The seats and dash board were in perfect condition. The paint was flawless and someone was going to be very happy in purchasing this brand new car. And now, these cars were crushed, in transport to or fro a junk yard stacked six long and three deep.

And then a thought began to creep in my head. A thought which has been creeping in more and more without much of an invite: mortality. Nature's way of preparing the human animal, capable of freaking itself out with thoughts, for what is imminent.

2003-10-24T09:57:00.000-05:00

So it was pretty obvious from a young age school was going to be easy for me. Although I only made straight A's one time, in sixth grade announced at the assembly in front of the school where they brought my Mom in to watch as I floated up to the 'big' stage flush with my accomplishment watching my Mom flush with my accomplishment, I always hovered around the 3.8 out 4.0 range, all throughout junior high and high school. Naturally expectations were made, by me and by others. I was also, and this goes to the story so I am not bragging, Captain of the football team and one of the better receivers in the city. I was visited by colleges and received many letters of solicitation to play here or there. With my academic record, I focused on, and was hit pretty hard and heavy, from the Ivy League schools. In fact, the city newspaper had me listed as going to Harvard to play football.
Ok, back to the reason of this story. Because I was pretty smart, not Will Hunting smart but smart enough to master most subjects with a bit of work, I decided on a career in Medicine because doctors were pretty smart and they made lots of money and garnered quite a bit of respect, which is important to me (you get respect by giving respect just so you know I don't expect respect, you feel me?). And then I went to college and my good study habits did not go with me, in the beginning. It took me a few years to want the knowledge enough to actually put the work in. I don't regret this at all. This time helped me find out what was really important to me. My sage partner in life told me the life of a doctor is hard and much time is spent away from the most important things in my life, my family. But I was so attached to the idea of being a doctor it took me a few times of falling on my face to understand this is not the life I want to live. As much as I would have liked to be a doctor, helping others and the such, the sacrifices of time and moments with my family are not on the trading block for anything, anything.
So now I work in the high tech sector not utilizing a degree in Biology and Spanish. Every once in a while I am reminded of the decision to not become a doctor and there is a wisp of regret because of the challenge and contribution I know would have been rewarding. I come to my job and I am not passionate. I do work hard and take pride in doing a job well done, for the most part. I get to come and go when I please and I work with a good group of people, with the here and there political ploys. I completely and 100% work to live. To spend time with my family and provide a good and loving home.
Could I have been a good doctor? Most definitely. Would I have been as good a Dad and husband. I really don't think so.
These decisions have shaped my life to where it is now. I could not be more thankful for what I have in terms of family and friends. Let me make this more clear, I could not be more thankful for the love and relationships in my life. This is what makes me know I made the right decision somewhere along the trek.

2003-10-22T13:24:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a day I would like to tatoo in my mind. The weather, perfect. The company, my chitlin for the first half of the day, my Dad for the second half, perfect. Those are the days I have in mind when I picture Heaven.

2003-10-20T12:27:00.000-05:00

The cold won't subside. Energy is peaking at 3 on a 1-10 scale. I threw such a dirty look I made two people very upset. I didn't mean it to come about but a perfect storm of feeling really shitty set upon me at that very moment and I did not have the energy to hold the dirty look within, as I should have. I feel/felt bad about it. You hold back sometimes on the people who don't know you so well, like co-workers, and then you let loose on people you know and love. Makes perfect sense.

Ay caramba!

2003-10-16T08:49:00.000-05:00

Trying to muster the energy to not only do the job but do the job well. If it were mine, the company, would it be a non-issue and the energy would be endless b/ it is mine and like anything I consider mine, dedication is peg the needle high.

2003-10-14T12:55:00.000-05:00

The thing about having a cold is the energy level depletion. I can deal with stuffy/runny nose and sore throat, to a certain degree, but the energy thing kicks my ass. Colds really are a very non-discriminatory, equal giving illness. No matter how good of shape you are in, a cold will still sap you for at least a few days.

2003-10-09T12:05:00.000-05:00

I find it hard to sit back and absorb life, for the most part. I have this wonderful world all around me and for the vast majority of the time I don’t even acknowledge and revel in the glory it is. There are moments that stop me in my tracks and I get this overwhelming sense of a cosmic WOW! Realigning my focus to not look ahead to enjoy the now, the journey. The journey holds so much and the blinders and filters need to be recognized and removed, in short order. Breathe it in, get off your ass, real and proverbial, and breathe it in!

2003-10-08T14:03:00.000-05:00

A job worth doing is worth doing sort of half ass while you are surfing the web, a wise man once said.

2003-09-30T13:01:00.000-05:00

Ace-the polite but sneaky and ornery one
Maddie-nice, wholesome, loving with a hint of sensuality
R.W.-fastidious, meticulous, dry and witty
Cam-bookish in appearance, incredibly athletic and freaky strong, serious but easy going

2003-09-23T15:05:00.000-05:00

You know, I get sick of people, in general. Nice outlook, eh?

2003-09-23T11:11:00.000-05:00

I look at my off spring and the feeling is deeper than I thought existed. The physical feeling an emotion is able to stir is unearthly. Waves breaking inside each stronger than the last. I could watch them all day contented. And then a banshee scream and they are crawling on my head.

2003-09-22T08:17:00.000-05:00

Looking out a window some forty feet above the Earth and what a morning. The Sun throwing the light over the rolling green landscape with a light layer of fog/dew stubbornly hanging on. I'll try to carry this through the day.

2003-09-19T11:06:00.000-05:00

The angle of the Sun is changing. The way the light hits makes me feel the air becoming drier. Really, a good time of the year. Green but cool and crisp. The seasons feel familiar but completely new to me each go around. It is as if I have forgotten what a Fall day feels like, looks like but once I hit one it is like walking through a house you grew up in but haven’t actually been in since you were fourteen.

2003-09-18T16:58:00.000-05:00

I walked in and felt the hair on the back of my freshly shaven neck stand straight up. The flight or fight was in my periphery. And then a thought stampeded in my thoughts, I will not let this go down like they have planned. I will become centered, calm and collective. Dissection in conference room 4 will be the new title of the meeting.

2003-09-17T16:22:00.000-05:00

So, doing something on my own has been peeking at me again. I met with a friend who I had not seen in some four years. An entrepreneurial type who was all over my idea of the thing on my own. Not really sure if it was the state we were in or if he wanted to be encouraging because of my obvious interest or because we were in his kick ass apt overlooking the bay tipping a few back. No matter, I am thinking more and more about it and am going to due the dew on the planning stages just to know I did not leave it on the table. I simply have this feeling if I don’t do it someone else will and I will look back upon it and think I could have done that and I would have been successful and my path in life would have changed.

2003-09-16T15:59:00.000-05:00

I find it hard to believe I have not updated this in around two weeks. I mean, time flies when you buried with work and home....I mean fun. Our CEO sent me an email today with congratulations on my third year anniversary. When I get stuff like that, on one hand I think it is cool and on the other he probably does it for everyone.

here's the thing with people who are high up in organizations, I don't treat them or talk to them or interact with them any differently than any other person I deal with on a daily basis. Having traveled quite a bit as the son of a pilot I often times was put in 1st class, which rocked. I sat next to or ran into 'famous' people quite a bit and I have never asked for an autograph or attempted to strike up a conversation simply because I have no desire to do so. To me, they are another person who happen to have a job where they are seen by a very wide audience. Does that make them special? In the same sense of anyone who is particularly good at what they do. Again, does not impress me. I would find it much more interesting to sit next to someone who is extremely intelligent and pick their brain. Maybe the science dork in me, who knows. Now, if a super model sat next to me, strike everything above, ha!

2003-08-28T09:42:00.000-05:00

Officially starting the weight room work outs again. I run and play b-ball, on the hard courts biatch, at least twice a week during the Summer but inevitably the other workouts are shunned like (insert your own witty simile here). And I am ok with the shunning because it becomes just the opposite in the doldrums of Winter. I really have a tough time finding the daylight to run during the Winter, plus it is ass cold on most days. Come to think of it, I am going to try to buck up this Winter and get out at least once a week for run. Oh, I should have mentioned this sooner, I trail run so running the dark can be a bit tricky not to mention Blair Witch scary. As the days get shorter, though, the Geese going South in me begins to feel the need to work out. And since we have a workout room in our house, the excuses not to workout run pretty thin. Here we go, then. Soreness, the good you have been doing something kind, will be sitting on me the next week or two and I look forward to my old friend.

7 0f 10

2003-08-27T13:27:00.000-05:00

I am an impulse buyer and it needs to stop, ahoramismo! I have said it before, but I am hoping writing it will carry a bit more weight. Henceforth, for the next month I will not buy anything outside of the essentials, like petro. No Starbuck’s, no clothes, gadgets or drugs…just kidding on the drugs in the sense of I am kidding like I don’t buy drugs not in the sense of I really will by drugs, because there is a whole separate budget for that-kidding, again in the former sense…

6 0f 10

2003-08-26T11:06:00.000-05:00

Love in the morning is lovely.

5 0f 10

2003-08-25T08:28:00.000-05:00

Diligence.

Reading a personality determination type book. I am finding myself falling squarely in the middle on a few traits and it is a bit flummoxing. I need somewhat of a determination on these to discover the secret of my happiness, and such. Who knows, though, what happens if at the end I am determined to be happy in a job tarring roofs?

4 0f 10

2003-08-22T14:09:00.000-05:00

I must admit I definitely bristle when people ask me to do things we both know do not fall into my realm of responsibilities. I just tell myself I am taking one for the team. And then I think maybe I am giving off the vibe of someone who is ok with doing these things. There are times I know I am not playing the game and I have feelings this is why I get a request like this. I don’t position myself properly thinking that ones work should speak for itself. I see way too many people who have a shiny covers and blank pages. I made a vow to not do this.

3 0f 10

2003-08-21T09:32:00.000-05:00

I am finding this is completely predictable and almost everyone I speak with has the same feelings. I want to make an impact, a direct impact, on bettering the lives of people. Of course, I want to keep making a good living and I don’t want to spend any more time away from my family than I do now. One realization I made, I am making an impact on the lives of a few people, my family. I am providing a good life for them and really, it doesn’t get any more important than that in my view. Still, working at a research institute would be a good step, I think. Problem is, they might not have much for someone who has worked in the business world for the past 8 years, even though I have a Biology degree.

You know what will happen with these feelings? Nada! Like the rest of the Flemings, I will most likely run to the edge of the cliff and jump off, wheeeee!!
As I impart on others when they get down on their j o b, we control the dojo that is us and how we react to the things that come along and carry ourselves is entirely up to us. Control your dojo and you will control your life and be contented.

2 0f 10

2003-08-20T09:22:00.000-05:00

Everyday for 10 business days, since I do this mostly from work. I will take a few minutes of everyday for the next 10 business days to update me blog.

A few observations I have made recently:

While in the sometimes still waters of life an occurrence will breathe a bolt of motion, the blast of air conditioning on a ho-hum dog day of Summer, and suddenly the viewpoint is tweaked. Suddenly, a perspective not entertained for even a moment lurches forward from the nook located in the temporal lobe mostly responsible for critical thought.

The want to write strikes me at the oddest times. I am putting up a curtain rod, and wham! this thought jumps up and I think to myself, that is wily, old man, you should remember this and write it down. Of course, only one out of five are remembered.

1 0f 10.

2003-08-15T09:28:00.000-05:00

I have a friend, who happens to work in the same place. My friend has made a decision to move on to the next thing in her life. I am completely happy with a tinge of sadness. Her reasons are noble. I am willing the thing to happen, the thing that is the main reason for her exodus. I will miss her insight and laughter. It is a good thing she and her husband, who I have known longer, are our friends outside of the machine or a pearl would be removed from our circle of friends.

2003-08-07T10:07:00.000-05:00

my honeypiesugarlove shaved my head and my receding/thinning hair, unbeknownst to most, is shining through! I like it, though. the shortness/thinning show to the public is kind of a 'screw you, i'll do as i damn well please' statement. plus, i look tough ass mofo'

2003-07-31T10:00:00.000-05:00

in order to become really good at anything, unless you are naturally gifted, you simply have to committ yourself to it. and by committing i mean practice and exposure. it is one thing to read a book about something but to actually become proficient you must do the thing. i sometimes wonder what it is i am really good at doing. i feel like the decathlete. i am relatively good at most things i do but i am not the best at any one thing, besides the depth of love and commitment i have for my wife and kids and that falls in the 'just there' category. which, thinking about it a bit, is pretty damn cool. i do want, however, to gain this level in a new position. we shall see if the kid has the commitment.

2003-07-24T13:36:00.000-05:00

i made a money shot yesterday....felt damn good.

2003-07-23T09:19:00.000-05:00

residuals, are they bad in any application of the word. sure, i suppose. not too many words in the world that do not have some sinister meaning if that is the desire.

2003-07-21T14:10:00.000-05:00

Entertaining clients on this fine day, yahoo! I won't be required to do this as much w/ new responsibilities coming down the shoot and will not miss it too terribly much. I am ok doing it and feel I am able to get the client to relax rather quickly but I do have to work at it and it does become tiring. good attitude, eh?

2003-07-09T11:51:00.001-05:00

I listen to people talk. Everyday, people talking and talking. How much is said, not much. Sometimes, when listening, something pops in my head, sometimes funny, and sometimes witty. Often times it takes work to pull something from the gray matter to facilitate the conversation. It is not hard, though. Just ask them questions relating to them and look interested and ask more questions. The skill/art is really listening so the questions asked are pointed displaying the listening is not merely passive but actual, engaged listening. Snowballing takes over and, every once in a while, genuine interest is borne.

2003-07-09T11:51:00.000-05:00

I listen to people talk. Everyday, people talking and talking. How much is said, not much. Sometimes, when listening, something pops in my head, sometimes funny, sometimes witty. Often times it takes work to pull something from the grey matter to facilitate the conversation. It is not hard, though. Just ask them questions about relating to them and look interested and ask more questions. The skill/art is really listening so the questions asked are pointed displaying the listening is not merely passive but actual, engaged listening. Snowballing takes over and, every once in a while, genuine interest is borne.

2003-07-03T10:38:00.000-05:00

um, holy shit, there are some pretty freaky blogs out there.

2003-07-03T09:28:00.000-05:00

the moment the caffeine hits the blood stream and you feel the channels of energy open up and suddenly you have these thoughts of uber abilities and accomplishments you will make today. the memos you make in your head to conquer your world and show how smart and clever you really are. you begin to think three steps ahead on the topics du jour. you are going to read books and follow methodologies displaying discipline and structure achieving a piece of art out of the block of granite. run, Man, run!

2003-06-26T09:23:00.000-05:00

Things I am looking forward to which will give you a pretty good gauge on where I am in my life, or maybe show the incongruities that exist:

Phish on July 17th

Painting my kitchen French Yellow, whatever that is, and then getting all new black hardware and light fixtures

Having a fence installed so my big black good-dog Murphy can run and frolic and not sleep 20 hours a day in the garage (I really have a dog and this is not a reference to something else although the leap is not a big one).

And for some reason, I am not looking terribly forward to going to the lake this weekend, wveird.

2003-06-19T10:49:00.000-05:00

So the mo is picking up on this position to be named later. Seem as if there is a funnel pointing me towards the spot but there are many factors still unknown to me. I understand this is probably completely uninteresting to anyone who reads this. Try to think what you would do if you were put in the same sort of situation. What would you do? Or have I not provided enough info for any of this to make sense? Probably not. Another factor, my current Manager and I don't seem to mix too well. Not that the person is a bad person or anything like that, just her ideas and mine do not jibe on many things and I will leave it at that.

I know there are many people on the edge of their seats on what will happen, ha!, so I will be sure to provide an update!

2003-06-17T13:14:00.000-05:00

I may or may not have a decision to make. A new job is being formed and my name has been brought up as a possibility. There are a few factors in play.

1. I recently closed a big ass deal which will pay some serious money in the form of bonus dollars. I will get around 1/3 of it next month and the rest at the end of the year. If I went over to the new position there is a good chance I would lose the end of the year dollars.

2. As much as I respect my friend who could be my new boss I feel I have moved passed the point of him being my boss. I feel we are peers and am not sure if I would be comfortable reporting in to him again. Not saying it is right, just how I feel.

I am not even sure the position would be offered but if it is I will definitely have some thinking to do. As always, my honeypiesugarlove will have insightful input b/c she has more common sense than most. Yet another reason I love her so.

2003-06-16T15:53:00.000-05:00

Sunburn is like sooo last Summer...ouch!!

2003-06-09T09:13:00.000-05:00

I can hear the first few notes of most songs, I know anyway, and name the song. I hardly ever take the time to actually learn the songs, though. my honeypiesugarlove is just the opposite and seems to pick up the words to just about any song she hears a few times. and now our 3 year old is busting out lyrics from radio songs which freaks my shit out because that is totally my wife coming through in him. just another item on the endless list of cool things about kids.

2003-05-30T16:07:00.000-05:00

May I tell everyone something everyone already knows...moving sucks my ass!! that's right, two !! marks. I have never been so tired in my life, with the exception of my first born having something very strept like when he was six months old. the cool part, and in every sense of the word 'cool', is i am only half done. COME ON FEEL THE NOISE, GIRLS ROCK YOUR BOYS.......

in two weeks i'll be no worse for the wear but right now my energy level could not light the bulb in Melanie Griffith's cabeza.

2003-05-22T11:21:00.000-05:00

I was told I do not play the internal politic game well enough. I am up front and honest with people and do not play games. I deliver bad news and good news in person and am ok with doing the stuff in between with an email. my performance can be measured by real numbers next to any of my peers and I consistently fall within the top few. since I will not play the game, though, I will not be compensated at that level.

surreal, baby, surreal....

2003-05-19T12:56:00.000-05:00

i received a fancy Tommy Bahama shirt for my b-day. Summer parties and such, you know.

2003-05-07T14:21:00.000-05:00

I think I have popped more Advil over the past few weeks than I have in the past few years. warm weather always makes me think I am in mid Summer shape and I am really, totally, completely not. it seems as each year passes getting back into what I consider shape takes a wee bit longer. hmm...because I am in my third decade..yes I think so. I have intentions of trying to stay in better shape over the Winter but the doldrums zap energy and the warm weather revitalizes. My goal is to get in the best cardio shape I have been in for more than the last 3 or 4 years. Since I am coming of reconstructive knee surgery last August, it seems at this point, this will need to be achieved through trail running. BB seems to be kicking my knee's ass. Which brings me to more rehab for my knee because in researching the ACL rehab routines on line I have found my doctor basically gave me nothing. I feel I need to strengthen my knee and leg to a point where it is close to the non operative knee in order to be able to play BB again at a level I am accustomed to. of course, that is my professional opinion so I could be completely wrong, but probably not!

2003-05-05T13:00:00.000-05:00

I stopped to get flowers for my honeypiesugarlove, her birthday and all. The lady who made the arrangement took such time and care and I fell into one of those moments where I was taken in by the work she was doing and all the background noise became something akin to ocean waves or running water. I have experienced this before while getting a haircut or a manicure. the common theme is someone is doing something for me and I am able to lose myself in the work they are doing. I think the person doing the work really has to be into it or it doesn't click for me or maybe it is all on me being the right state of mind, not really sure. just a cool feeling to get every once in a while. almost like dreaming while wide awake. I wonder if other people ever occupy this strange place.

2003-04-30T10:55:00.000-05:00

I read books. All kinds. I have nature-find yourself within kind of book going right now but have not touched it a month or so. I bring this up because I find it odd that many people get stuck in one subject of books. For instance, here at work, I ask someone if they like to read and yes is the response. Naturally, I ask what kind of books. The response baffles me because the person reads all business motivation process improvement type books. I have read a few of these books because I was curious and people have recommended them to me. I find myself reading these books and thinking, eureka, author du jour, you have successfully outlined common sense in a new way. Stuff like, do what you say you will do, don't set unrealistic expectations, accept responsibility, plan well and execute the plan..... I am in awe of their abilities(not really)! Maybe I am missing the point here and these types of books really do make people better and more effective workers and leaders but if one more person tells me how to go from Good to Great I might set myself on fire(I stole that phrase from the Sports Guy on ESPN.com, who used to be the Boston Sports Guy and is a great and funny writer).

2003-04-25T13:11:00.000-05:00

so our house is edging towards selling and all will be known in the next few weeks or so. inspections, appraisals the usual suspects. if all goes as planned we will be moving into a new house, to us anyhow, on Memorial Weekend. yip, we completely ruined a Holiday weekend for my family!

have I mentioned this new house to us is quite a bit bigger and will take a bigger bite of the monthly fundage. I, he who gets bored and buys shit, will need to watch me spending much, much closer for the next six months or so. there is a part of me that has been waiting for this to see if I can actually do it. really, I am not sure I have much of a choice. plus, my honeypiesugarlove goes ape shit if I get us close to the edge with my wily nilly spending. and when she is not in a good place none of us are in a good place, not good times, bad, bad times.

oh by the way, moving a house full of furniture sucks my ass.

2003-04-18T09:40:00.000-05:00

my best friend from College is getting married tonight and it is a shotgun wedding, ha! I have no problem with shotgun weddings. I come from a proud tradition of shotgun weddings. I had one as did my parents. I think we turned out ok, up to this point anyway. of course, someone reading the blog might think that I am far from ok which makes me think(flickering light over my head).

does someone think my thoughts on this blog are completely foreign and they can't relate to me at all in the sense that what I think of as 'normal' or fun is so not normal or fun to them. when I write of parent teacher conferences do they gag and click to something more interesting according to their point of view.

I know there are a gaggle of sub cultures in the world. some of my favorites are mullets, fantasy sports league junkies, people who show animals and skeet shooters. but even if I were caught in a conversation with any of the above I know there is something I could talk to them about that would genuinely interest me because I would know nothing about it. I just wonder if someone who does not share my interests would take the time to talk with me to learn about something I know about.

2003-04-17T15:24:00.000-05:00

first parent teacher conference and can I say it is pure bliss to listen to someone else tell you what a pleasure your child is, holy shit...eat it up, I do!!!

a sweet disposition who likes to 'inspect' others works to make sure they are doing it right. Never afraid to answer questions and a natural leader. the most coordinated kid in the class according to the tests they do, which entail things like skipping. Pure bliss to my ears!! love it, LOVE IT!

a theme I try to impart on my kids, be nice and caring to others but don't take shit from anyone.

2003-04-15T10:56:00.000-05:00

when I get bored, I spend money. I shop, at stores on the Internet, you know, wherever. I don't spend a lot of money hardly ever going over $50 unless I am in the market for something. and this last weekend I completely convinced myself I needed a new, color PDA. I have a PDA, you see, but it is most definitely not color. Ahh, you say, you didn't know it was not color and having one with color is essential in every way for a PDA, ha! I bought it used on ebay and have justified it's over $50 expense by designating it my birthday present one month early. make perfect sense!

my honeypiesugarlove tells me no matter how much shit I buy I am not going to fill up the hole and she is dead on. don't worry, my faithful readers, I am not off kilter, I don't have a huge hole just a little one requiring an occasional purchase. sometimes I go months without a purchase but mostly I do not. oh yeah, I also got a new mobile phone with a pretty color display and the ability to say 'jackass' and it dial one of my friends. highly important features (see color PDA above).

2003-04-14T14:56:00.000-05:00

I sit back and reflect on my kids and the complete blessing they are when I am around them and when I am not. It is much easier when I am not because the monkeys are climbing on me or sitting on me or giving me orders or....but man, the feelings I have for them are something I didn't think I was capable of feeling. and the really cool thing is the places they opened up in me are now filled by my honeypiesugarlove as well. she is the most beautiful woman I have ever known and I can't believe she picked me to spend her life with. I love so much that our kids are half her and know they will get her sense of self and I don't think a better trait could be passed on.

man oh man!!

2003-04-11T10:27:00.000-05:00

I sent my girls to visit my wife's homies in Phoenix. I travel on business every month or so and it is the same feeling. I don't like to be away from my family. I can't think about it too much or I freak myself out and no one likes to freak out due to a self imposed frenzy.

big weekend for the guys, though, and I am looking forward to hanging with my homies.